Sins of Silence

The oddness that is..

2011-09-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

It keeps sticking out like a sore thumb. This oddness. I find it odd that things change for no apparent reason. There's no ebb and flow anymore. There's clouds and everything else that would blur your thoughts. It would have been so easy to talk once upon a time, no words mumbled, fumbled, jumbled or even eaten. No thoughts swallowed. You'd say exactly what you wanted to. You wouldn't mince, you wouldn't think twice.

Then there's judgement. There's a pronounced order. You are stamped and sealed. This is how you are. But you actually aren't. You are the same old. But the world seems to think differently and you are thus confused. You wonder and even marvel. This oddness. Was it in hiding? No hint of it at all. But all of a sudden, you see only oddness.

The goodness, was it in some other state of consciousness? The ritual warning has begun and now you tear away from everyone?

-V

These days..

2011-06-30T11:04:00.001-07:00

.. fate plays a lot of tricks. It leaves you in a flux. Now is that a good thing or a bad thing? For folks who want clarity, it can ruin their mental make up. For folks who care a damn, it's just a passing incident. And on comes the next.

This cliche about wanting things a little too much and having to wait that much longer or work that much harder to actually get them -- I don't know how much of it is intertwined with fate.

So, if you think too much about things you want a little too much, would you never get them? This is of course, when you have done everything you can and then the rest is left to somebody else's judgement or some other action to happen.

On the other hand, if you stop thinking about things too much, would you automatically be the first one or be among the first ones to get them?

What's the answer? Anyone who can relate to this? What do you think works?

I am sure the opinion will be divided quite equally. Oh what the heck. Might as well watch the ol' ball bounce and wait for it to stop somewhere. It's gotta.

-V

LTNC

2011-06-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

So, just like I start all my other periodic (!) posts on this blog, here's one more with the "Oh, it's been such a long time since I wrote anything here!" tirade.

Everyday there are a gazillion questions floating around my head, mostly about a particular topic. The funniest thing is, these questions are never going to be answered. I wish there was a "Mind-Reader" app which you could install on yourself and you could try it say 10 times, before actually buying it.. wouldn't you wanna buy it? I might want only around 3-4 tries :D

But either way, what's life without its tricks and intricacies? (When I typed this, the first dude who came into my mind was Sri Sri Sri Sri.... no offence of course, it's just the philosophical angle).

You live through these situations to see the light of day. All these things just help you learn, and maybe tell you in subtle ways that things aren't always what they seem to be. You learn to accept this fact, and you move on. Difficult for things to work your way ALL the time. YOU have a specific way of doing things, and coming to conclusions/decisions. It doesn't mean that the world can work in the same manner! Gotta let the world be, let it work it's way through all the permutations and combinations, and one day, when your time comes, it will settle down on you. Just ride this humongous wave of ups and downs. Surf. Surf I say.

And you will be happy.

-V

Profound dislike..

2010-11-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

.. for folks who impose their mannerisms on you. I say "mannerisms" and not ideals/principles here, plainly because this has nothing to do with ideals/principles.

Person X behaves in a certain manner given a certain situation - mind you, there's no right/wrong manner here, it's just "any" manner. Essentially, this "situation" is not bounded by morals, in which case it would always boil down to right/wrong. It is an everyday "situation" that you and I might face, which will not have a right/wrong way to deal with, there would be many ways.

For instance: Liking cars, movies, doing certain things in a manner which you prefer, so on and so forth.

It's absolutely annoying, when you are asked questions about certain aspects (like the above) and then you are JUDGED based on the ANSWERS you give! As in, there's a WORD which describes you at the end of the conversation!

Psychotic! Psycho-analytic? What not! Just plain dumb!

Here's the deal. People do things their own way when faced with certain situations (I repeat, outside the realm of moral concerns), leave them be. Let them live their lives, you live yours. You don't act godly or smart by questioning them about their lives and then giving suggestions. Nobody asked for them, nobody needs them. If they do, they will ASK you. Then, please feel FREE. Why waste your energy?

Shucks, what do some people take when they are growing up? Brain-numbing overdose of "I+WILL+ALWAYS+BE+OBSTINATE+AND+STUPID" cereals?

God!

-V

Change..

2010-11-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

Why are people afraid of change or changing? Just when something different or new happens, the biggest of sleepers become the most active of skeptics. There are doubts created, fingers pointed at, conspiracy theories mooted, the list is endless.

I keep wondering all along about this aspect. This is not only obvious when change happens around you, but also obvious with this so-called MANTRA of this generation - "Don't change me, accept me the way I am" or "I don't want to change just to accommodate somebody/something else".

I think it's good to change, especially when you have done something wrong, and you know it's root cause. It's absolute pig-headed stupidity if you end up doing something wrong on all counts, and you don't want to change the way you are, just because YOU ARE the way YOU ARE.

It pays to change - especially when you listen, understand and feel what's happening around you. Change is just a function of life - you get along with change. You just keep learning all the darn time, you assimilate change, make it part of you and become a better person. You don't repeat the mistakes, you GROW UP.

Never be averse to change around you or inside you.

-V

Conscientiousness..

2010-07-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

The definition is straight out of wiki:

"Conscientiousness is the trait of being painstaking and careful, or the quality of acting according to the dictates of one's conscience. It includes such elements as self-discipline, carefulness, thoroughness, organization, deliberation (the tendency to think carefully before acting), and need for achievement. It is an aspect of what has traditionally been called character."

I am going to briefly touch upon just 1 aspect - "The quality of acting according to the dictates of one's conscience". If there's a good conscience at work, there's always going to be a sense of empathizing, a sense of trying to do the "right" things. I believe in keeping this as an integral part of my character, and it's not in my make-up to accept that there are people who can give a serious thought about what they did or did not do, but are incapable of understanding what effect this may have on all the other folks who are involved. I had stated this when I went through a similar situation close to 3 years back -- "MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2007 - Shallow." You can find it here http://sinsofsilence.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html

To keep it simple, I cannot stand people who don't understand the ramifications of their actions. Yet these very same people, in their own cloud of grand assumptions, act like they don't know anything about what they did, and they don't know about what they caused. It just ticks me off. And then, the nerve to actually state the above!

I always, and will always continue to understand what I am doing, and what could be the ramifications of my actions. It's got nothing to do with karma. I feel happy and contented, when I keep everyone I am with, happy. Simple. Trust this would leave a mark on anyone who reads..

-V

(And might I add my profound dislike for people copying my signature - just like the "-V" above. Please get original).

Ode..

2010-06-09T13:25:00.001-07:00

I just realized that there were a bunch of things I have gone through over the past 10-12 years. And in a matter of minutes, all of them came to life. I wrote this specifically keeping this situation in mind..

Spent all this while, glazed eyes reflect

Another time and place, is this regret?

Here we are now, I am with you,

This is where I wanna be

Forget those thoughts, erase this board,

Just you and me.

Wish I could tell you, enough to ease this burden

Wish I could express, how long it takes to clear the rust

It takes a while to understand this endless black hole

Redundant as it seems,

I need to borrow you, your time,

There ain't no place I'd rather be.

-V

Reaching deep..

2010-05-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

Perverts, the title isn't for you. So outta here.

Others, fakers, real people etc., read on.

My blog. Good ol' blog. How are ya? Been a while, almost a year.

In this big bad world of competition, where everyone's playing against time, rushing day-in and day-out, living in their own sweet little worlds, there's very little time devoted to anything else.

You, your other half, if you have one, your folks, if they are staying with you, and that's it.

People who you would have known, been great friends with thru' college/school whatever, shared every single little thing with, don't seem to be around anymore.

Wait a minute, they are around. But they are around for FUN!

--> FUN!

They are not around for anything else!

When you just wanna unwind, once in a blue moon, have a couple of drinks, reminisce about the good ol' days, you want them.

Otherwise, you don't care if they are alive or dead. Yes, you read that right. You don't care if they are alive or dead.

Is that really the way it works today? In this new millennium? In this everyday rat race, where nobody cares about anybody else, apart from his/her own needs?

My dear friend, if you have chanced upon this blog, and you happen to read this post, you might identify with this. Does this sound like you?

*Caution - Long word coming up, separated by hyphens for better readability*

When was the last time you found out how any of your supposed "close-pals-who-you hang-out-with-for-having-FUN, -but-who-you-don't-really-care-about-once-the-FUN's-done" is? On your own? Without any of those "CHAIN MAILS" going around?

Then ask yourself this. Does it matter to you how they are? Or is it enough if you just have your dose of fun once in a blue moon and you forget about them later?

If it doesn't matter, the answer's plain and simple. You are self-centered, selfish, (redundant) and you don't really care about anything happening with anybody, apart from your own little world.

Which is perfectly fine! A lot of people think that these set of characteristics suit them perfectly. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, well, at least from a self-centered, selfish perspective.

The last I heard a couple of good old elders tell me, being selfish/self-centered is a negative thing. Not good apparently. The more giving one is, the more happiness there is.

So GIVE, they say.

Give, not because you will get back, but because you will restore the balance in today's world.

Give, because the recipient realizes that you are there for him/her, and that he/she can count on you.

Ultimately, the world will become a symbiotic give/take society. H-A-R-M-O-N-Y.

Did make sense.

If it does matter to you, then do you think you should start doing something about it? Maybe by checking if someone's alive once in a while? Is that a good starter? Yeah, I guess.

It's funny, because just when you think you know someone pretty well, you get statements like "I give a damn if others check I am fine, I am here to have FUN! Let's not get too EMOTIONAL about it!"

Then there were 2 categories of friends for the discussion:

a) Friends who you have FUN with.

b) Friends who you have FUN with + an EMOTIONAL bond. (Meaning: care, being there etc. etc.)

From a), you don't expect care, compassion and true blue friendship. You get FUN.

From b) You get what a) gives + you get care, compassion and true blue friendship.

Simple situation:

1) Said subject is in a supposed grave situation.

2) Said subject didn't get calls from either category a) or b) to find out if everything was ok.

So, when asked, if said subject would have any qualms if categories a) or b) didn't care or inquire about said subject in this situation, the answer was the same.

"I give a damn if others check I am fine, I am here to have FUN! Let's not get too EMOTIONAL about it!"

When persisted about who falls in the elite league of b), it was dismissed, stating that it doesn't matter, in a rather uncomfortable manner.

Yet, this someone, this same said subject, did care. Did show concern when the situation needed it, with another person, who was in the VERY SAME situation.

So, what are we, as a society, hiding behind? Why is it difficult to express? Why is there a need to show less sensitivity? Is it COOL?

Or have what our fore-fathers, who taught us the meaning of hospitality, love, freedom and simplicity, all of which are at the very CORE of being Indian, gone to the dogs?

Is it too old-fashioned to be this way now? Is it too old-fashioned to care? Is it too old-fashioned to believe in traditions? Is it too old-fashioned to expect good ol' friends to share their happiness with you, openly, on a happy occasion?

I don't think so.

-V

A few cents..

2009-07-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wonder why people compromise on love. Isn't that the purest thing there is?

Everytime, I see situations of "what goes around, comes around", for folks who do. Compromise i.e. It's just plain silly, that an opportunity is given, for something exactly like that, to happen.

In the end, it leads to more heartbreaks, more disappointment, more self-doubt, more 'carefulness' - you just don't be yourself when you try to get back to it in a different manner - where you're just trying to cover up everything that is there of you. Trying not to make the same mistakes, trying not to let go.

When life bites you in the tail, you realise that there's more to it. You realise that you were wrong, that it's just your so-called moral grounds that held you down, when you could have explored every minute of beauty in your life.

Folks out there - let go of yourself, let go of all your inhibitions. Love is Freedom. Live it, express it, enjoy it. It'll last. Try a reboot, with this in mind.

-V

PS: Applicable for those who find themselves in such situations, as described.

Strange people.

2009-02-19T08:36:00.001-08:00

I am surrounded by truckloads of them. Doesn't mean that I don't have the un-strange ones around, there are normal ones too FYI.

These are the kinds of people I know (The strange ones):

1) Incessantly arguing/fighting about something extremely pointless. Sometimes, even annoyingly trying to play "Father Figure" AKA "know it all" even when there's nothing "known" ... by the person in question of course.

2) Ego-centric. Cannot stand the fact that there are people who back away and don't give attention to them. BUT - what do they do? They bend just a little, just a teeny weeny bit - for about 20 seconds to communicate. And wow, there's even a rationale! "I communicated because it's normal for me not to communicate but it's not normal for you to communicate and since I haven't heard from you...." Blah. How hard is it to be normal. Sheesh.

3) Chameleons. The most dangerous of the ilk. Get into your own territory, your own people and turn everyone you know .. against YOU! Create factions, politics, fights. Stand and laugh. In the corner with a sly smirk. You aren't that intelligent you know. You've been sized up, and yet you don't know it. Tsk. I pity your existence.

About 1) ----> Maybe you haven't met anyone more smarter than you, and now that you might just have, it's taking a WHILE for you to get adjusted. So relax. Get used to it. Someone is smarter.

About 2) ----> Retarded. Less said, the better.

About 3) ----> You won't get to play your games for too long.

To my readers ----> Yes, another smashing blog. Bite me.

-V

Comeback!

2009-02-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Blogland! I am back.

Ok, to those who didn't get it, I AM BACK! YES BABY! Back because of the following:

1) By popular demand. (No, I ain't feeding my ego.)

2) By a HUGE desire to get back and unleash my creativity (aka a creative channel for all my vents!) all over this blogspace! ORGASMIC!

3) It also has to be noted - that this ISN'T my sole channel, it's just a 'creative' channel. The sole channel knows everything about me :)

It's been a solid 10 months! Wow! 10 months of no blogging? How are you doing out there my audience? Hope y'all are doing good! I also noticed that my counter has gone upto 990! Brilliant! Some sorta activity over 10 months! 10 shy of 1000! Good news! Good news!

Today, I am gonna be talking about a couple of things. I have understood for one that there has been a gamut of jealousy - with respect to everything that is "me". So much so, that being myself has become a problem! The same folks .. yes siree, the same folks who I thought would be there, supposedly, anyway!

Misunderstandings, complaints, silly behaviour, all rolled into one. It's not a fascinating thing to be swimming in. It's also come to a point, where my competence at something which I am REALLY GOOD at, and trust me, I have people who'll vouch for it - IS BEING QUESTIONED! Not happening, ah ah! I don't have to prove anything to anyone about this. But I am going to do it anyway. Just so that I can feel so damn evilly HAPPY about it - like a SLAP on the recipient's face!

I have this to say to all you folks (not many) out there who THINK you are in my inner circle, and if you're not seing me BE MYSELF over the past few days:

1) Give respect, take respect.

2) Take me for granted, I am done with you.

3) Be true to your character, don't be 20 different people at the same time. Tell me you're close to me? Prove it!

4) You understand me, yet you do the very same things others would do - to cause more irritation, anger and absolute confusion - in my mind about everything you stood for! Read - Yes, you might have CHANGED!

5) I am going to be myself - with people who really know me, who wouldn't misunderstand me at the drop of a hat! The others - I don't really give a rat's ass. Get used to who I am. Go back to the days when you USED TO KNOW ME. You won't hear from me until then! I am gonna be courteous, normal - strictly professional. Period.

6) Remember what has transpired before. Remember all the help? Remember all the "being there for you" stories? I don't even understand why I even need to be NICE to people who aren't NICE TO ME!

7) Just because you can't TAKE MY TRIP by being verbally eloquent, doesn't mean you get personal. Don't think that I don't FEEL it when you SAY it!

This goes to all you punks who can't just STAND me for whatever I stand for. I know, I absolutely rock, and there ain't a damn thing you or your momma can do about it. Turn GREEN aliens!

Today, you ignorant morons - will know my REAL deal. Today, is the day when it reloads. Today is the day, that I am OFFICIALLY, BLOODY WELL BACK!

-V

Of what use is all this...

2008-04-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

I don't understand the stuff happening right now.

I don't know why things have been hidden from me for such a long time, I would eventually come to know anyway.

To think that "this" would actually affect ANYTHING would be stupid.

So what if something bad has happened? I am not dumb to let something like this come in between anything.

Why lie to me about everything? Why?

What have I done to listen to these lies? Haven't I been truthful about every single thing? The least I deserved was the truth. The least.

Tell me the truth. Don't be afraid. Nothing's gonna go wrong. Just tell me the damn truth.

From your mouth.

-V

I ask you..

2008-04-15T02:35:00.001-07:00

What do you want me to do to prove myself?
Isn't being there whenever there's a need unconditionally, enough?
Isn't listening to every single thing and making one smile at the end which gives peace, enough?
Isn't saying it blatantly and obviously repeatedly enough?
Isn't blogging enough?
Isn't being concerned enough?
Isn't having sleepless nights enough?
Isn't being possessive enough?
Isn't asking for trust and belief enough?
Think of everything that has happened.. isn't that enough?

This has to be it..

2008-04-07T00:46:00.000-07:00

No more 'in-between' talk.

"
There's a time and place for everything
for everyone,
we can push with all our might,
but nothing's gonna come.

Oh no, nothing's gonna change.
And if I ask you not to try, oh could you let it be?

I wanna hold you and say, we can't throw this all away,
tell me you won't go, you won't go, do you have to hear me say:

"I can't stop loving you,
And no matter what I say or do,
You know my heart is true,
I can't stop loving you"

You can change your friends, your place of life,
you can change your mind.
We can change the things we say and do anytime
But I think you'll find,
when you look inside your heart,
Baby, I'll be there..
Hold on, I'm holding on..
Just come on, come on, come on,
I just wanna hear you say:

"I can't stop loving you,
And no matter what you say or do,
You know my heart is true,
I can't stop loving you"

-V

Profound mental retardation..

2008-04-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the one thing which can get you through the night isn't around?

You blog! :P

It's obvious to folks that there are certain things which I will take very easily, and there are certain things which are bound to multiply on my brain cells, and lead me into deeper spirals of damaging them.

Want my 2 cents of advice? Stay away from the stuff which makes my brain go "kaput". Kaput = boom, blast, basically a "brain overload".

Because if my brain does go "Kaput", it means the following:

1) I am very, very provoked.
2) I am at the heights of impatience.
3) I find myself losing faith, losing trust, losing belief.
4) I go into spirals thinking why everything is the way it is.

And then there's a ray of light again.. and everything disappears. Everything becomes nice.

Up and down, up and down, a nice sinusoidal wave. Nice and shapely.

-V

Awesome..

2008-04-01T02:47:00.000-07:00

It really is.

I mean, have you ever heard of this line called "When it rains, it pours"?

It starts, it doesn't stop. It keeps happening. Over, and over and over again. How often have I used those words?

The problem here is this stream of thoughts, one after the other, which somehow seems to keep accumulating, without being jettisoned. The sub-conscious mind is at work SO MUCH, that it's leading to weird dreams, nightmares. Why.. last night I imagined shaving my drummer's beard and also giving him a cut in the chin for being rough. I was also involved in a gun fight with a gang of 6, who I eventually managed to shoot down with my phase pistol, right out of Star Trek. But the phase pistol ran out of battery when I was about to shoot the last guy down.

Funny eh? When it's down, it really is down everywhere. The law of averages is bound to catch up on me sometime or the other. I know that I will hit a purple patch of happiness soon enough. It's just this "pursuit" which is dragging me in circles, loops, you name it.

On a brighter note, I really wish I could stop having nightmares, dreams etc. It would really help my psyche if I had a peaceful night's rest. It would really help if everything was perfectly alright.
I don't want to be a cynic, I won't, I never will. I will promise myself today, that I will do what I think is right, that I will not hold back on anything, that I will continue to be true with respect to every single action I do and every single word I say. I am not afraid of my feelings, I am not afraid of anything. I am old enough to face any situation. If I really want something, I will go and get it.

I am gonna reopen the 'cool'. Soon enough.

-V

Some words for ..

2008-03-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

Consistency in all aspects of life is the key to happiness, is the key to success!

Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

-V

Introspective Madness during the Sunset..

2008-03-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ok.

So I am in a spiral loop of sub/semi-consciousness. The same pictures passing by me over and over and over again.

I wonder, most of the times, about why I care so much.

Why do I care so much about feelings?

Why do I care so much as to not hurt?

Why do I care so much about living and let living?

Why do I care?

I figured that I do, because there are only 2 states my mind can be in:

1) Really, and I mean REALLY care.

2) Don't care one bit.

I can't be in between. I kind of get caught in a weird space between "Right" and "Not Right" and I wouldn't know what exactly to do to get out of it - in order to lean towards one of the states mentioned above.

Does it matter that I really care? I honestly don't have an answer. It matters to me, which is obvious, because I care, because I give a damn and it is a big deal for me. Situations and circumstances aren't helping me either.

I get so caught up in trying to be nice, I forget what I want in order for me to feel nice about myself. Sometimes, I do get a dose of "nice" .. The dose needs to be more continuous. I think the word I am looking for is "Everlong".

-V

Can't describe this..

2008-03-26T01:36:00.001-07:00

I just can't seem to describe this weird state I am in right now.. It's a pot-pourri, a mixture of various moods/emotions.

I am happy for a minute, sad the next.

I believe in keeping up my word, once I have said it, it stays said and done.

It's amazing how much I actually stick to what I say all the time, I don't deviate. And even if I do, I have a justification. I wish everybody else also stuck to what they said. If they did tell you something and didn't stick to it, the least you can infer is that there's a lack of respect towards you.

Help me get through this day..

I will get through it.

-V

Loads of stuff..

2008-03-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

This is a nice place to dump all my cryptic writings.

So I am gonna dump some more.

I wait, I am waiting. There are thoughts clutterred inside my head, but I keep it there for the most part.

I don't want anything/anyone to be influencing progress. If there's a decision to be made, it will be made solely by the people who are responsible to make it, without taking into account words said by other people.

Like I said, I like progress. I like it so much, that I don't want any roadblocks disrupting it. I want progress to flow smoothly. I want Time to be the God when it comes to progress. I don't want to stop anything, be it the way I feel towards, or the way I think everything's going. I want to let it be. The moment I start restricting myself, I will not be true to anyone.

I get perturbed, worried when things start going up and down.

I "like" constantly, I "like" specially, I "like" consistently. It's not that my "liking" diminishes over time or over a day. It's "consistent". If anything at all, it can go only higher. I don't like "liking" to lose weight one day, and gain weight the next. I want the "liking" to be special, to be unique, exclusive. I want this "like" to have a priority of it's own. A priority like no one else's. A priority which is unique.

And I cannot "like" without being "serious" about "liking". I am open to positive possibilities, I don't let the dark clouds shroud my very being or thoughts. I live for now. And I like what I survey.

I "like" things to be this way...

-V

It's not my time..

2008-03-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

It's not my time
I'm not going

There's a fear in me
It's not showing

This could be the end of me
And everything I know

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see

But it's not my time
I'm not going

There's a will in me
Now I know it

This could be the end of me
And everything I know

I won't go..

-V

Back on track.

2008-03-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

No, that's not a rip off of Back in Black.

I like what's been happening over the past week or two. I like the fact that there's direction, there's purpose, atleast from my side.

This "fiscal" year has started well, in terms of work, not talking about people, but just work.

In terms of life apart from work.. I do the following everyday:

1) I like.
2) I want.
3) I care.
4) I think about.
5) I miss.
6) I do a lot of other things.

No matter how much of the first 5 I do, I am guessing that it's very difficult to convince, that I actually DO those things. Not because of me, but because of a lack of belief from the other side.

Believe this. This is a blog, it's cryptic and all that, but yes, I do the first 5.

The 6th one is obviously somethings which I do. So we will not talk about that.

Let's say this. I am giving this my all, I am giving it my best shot. I want this to work. But no matter what I try and do from my end, there's something, something which makes me wonder, no matter what I do about it continuously, will there ever be any light at the end of the tunnel? Am I currently special? Am I currently set apart from everyone else? Am I currently standing out amongst all the others?

I think I just need that reassurance.. maybe because that is how I am. No decisions, just a reassurance...

-V

Back to a "potentially" lengthy blog..

2008-02-24T10:50:00.000-08:00

.. and I am saying that, because it may or may not be lengthy. That of course, depends on how much I want to type, and I don't know yet.

I guess life's all about having options. Options for every single aspect. You don't have options, you can't choose. You can't choose? Then my friend, you're in THE ZONE of ( Yes, there's a 2nd zone for folks who've read my earlier posts ) having a single, a SINGLE choice. Yikes, you can't even call that a choice.

When you're down to the single choice, which you may actually want in the end, and you don't know if the CHOICE wants you, it's even MORE disturbing.

Blah? No. It makes sense.

When you run after the single thing you want, and you do almost all that you can, to want the single thing, and the single thing keeps going left, right and centre, keeps wavering in other words - you get a lot of confusion on your plate, you get a lot of pain, you get a lot of sadness.

How do you get rid off all these emotional elements? By focusing on other options. Options which will get your mind off this single option, ultimately letting time heal everything, and letting destiny take it's toll.

I will make an exception to the above paragraph, I will state here that, sometimes, it's not enough to let destiny take it's toll, you need to control destiny in the way you want it to work for you. And it's upto us folks to take this call, depending on the situation. Depends on whether we are active or passive, depends on how badly we want anything.

Hmm, I think I have said a lot of things here today, which may make sense to a lot of folks. If you're reading this, comments will be published only if they are made in good taste. :P

-V

Am I the listener or do I want to be listened to?

2008-02-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

There's lot in life that can let you down. It could be your mind ... or your body. Luckily for her, she has someone to lean on and it's so amazing how a few simple words can change everything, whether it's an apology or an admission. Of course it's sometimes not about the words, it's just about having someone there ... to listen.

-V

The Search..

2008-02-13T10:44:00.001-08:00

I think it's human nature to search for answers. Sometimes, the answer you get is the one you least expect. But more often than not, the answers we've been looking for have been inside all along. I guess the important thing ... is to never stop searching.

-V

Alone.

2008-02-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

I don't think people are meant to be by themselves. That's why if you actually find someone you care about, it's important to let go of the little things, even if you can't let go all the way - because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around you.

-V

Ahem..

2008-01-21T08:48:00.000-08:00

Lots of people visiting this page recently. Lots.

I am not gonna give you guys explanations about my blogs. It's reserved for an elite set of people, who don't even exist. So if you wanna make assumptions, come to conclusions, etc. etc., be my guest.

I write stuff here I feel are relevant to me. How many times have I said that now? I write stuff here which makes me go into a soul searching trip. I haven't said that before, but now you know. I write down everything I feel like saying at the time I am blogging, don't feel like talking about it to another LIVE person, so I type it here.

Ok, so YOU - figure out what you want. You know who you are if you're reading this. I am not going to be playing jester/clown/father/brother whatever to you.

I guess I just want to be loved. Shameless eh? That's another hint. That word "Shameless".

All said and done, this is a "training" week at work. Yes, I know, I just shifted topics. Planning to go on a trip soon, checking out some good places on the web. Should be good! Kinda bored sitting @ Bangalore, though I love the place. Gotta move out and explore some nice places.

Out you mongrels.

-V

Pretend?

2008-01-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

Keep you in the dark you know they all... Pretend.
Keep you in the dark and so it all... Began.

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one .. of your plays?
You're the pretender..
What if I say I'll never surrender?

Keep you in the dark you know they all... Pretend.

I'm the voice inside your head, you refuse to hear
I'm the face that you have to face, mirroring your stare
I'm what's left, I'm what's right, I'm the enemy
I'm the one that's gonna take you down, bring you to your knees.

So who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one .. of your plays?
You're the pretender..
What if I say I'll never surrender?

Courtesy - Foo Fighters.

-V

I Pray..

2008-01-02T06:43:00.000-08:00

.. for my family, for me and somebody else to have a special new year.

I also wish, of course, everybody else who's reading this blog, anyone anywhere in the world, a fantastic and happy new year!

I pray these days unconditionally, even though I ask for the same thing to happen every single day. I don't know if this specific single thing I ask for is ever going to happen. I don't know if I am wasting/investing time in this. I know what I want out of it, but I don't know if it's going to happen, really want it to. I don't want to reinvent the wheel. Don't want to go through the same stuff again. This is my biggest fear as of now. Don't want to be afraid, don't want to be scared, don't want to get affected by consequences, I am positively hoping for positive consequences, but hope's also a funny word.

Help I say - show me the way.

-V

Infinity

2007-12-27T11:53:00.000-08:00

That's a big word huh? Pun intended.

No, really, makes a truckload of difference.

The mere thought of infinite possibilities in life, and all the good things which come along, outweighing every little bad thing which happens!

It's too short to be taken seriously, like a friend of mine said.. But when you do, give it everything you got, without thinking about the consequences, give it your mind, body and soul. The results would always be a reflection of how much you've wanted anything/anyone all along. If it's meant to be, it will be.

"Know what I pray for? The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't and the incapacity to tell the difference"

A very obvious Calvin and Hobbes reference, but hey, I have the strength to change what I can, to accept what I cannot .. and in some cases, even tell the difference. But who cares about telling the difference when you can figure out what you can or cannot change about you, about anyone around you or anything related to any darn thing under the sun! :-)

I am signing off, feeling good about myself, feeling good about every single person who means a lot to me, and the special one.

-V

3 minutes left..

2007-12-26T12:29:00.000-08:00

.. in the first half of a football match I am currently watching.

But that's just half the reason why I am here.

I am going to scream, shout, curse as loudly as possible right now.. here, on this blog. Don't want the neighbourhood to wake up you know..

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! &$*%*^%^%@^%**$*$*$**%%&!$*$*&)*$_!$*_$($_!$(($&%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% TAKE THIS YOU @*%)%*@*%(*@%(%@((%(%(@%@.

Ok, I am done. Right on time as well - I wanted to make this real simple and short. So it's almost half time and I am almost done with this post.

People who read this.. honestly, whatdya think of the blog? Do you want to see other topics covered too? :D

I know I am acting smart, hardly enough people to visit this page of mine and I am already asking opinions! Tut tut!

That's ok, someone's gotta start somewhere.

Heard of this thing called "Never have expectations" ? I don't believe in that shit. I'd rather have expectations, watch them turn into reality and savour the moment. It's REALLY ok to have expectations - apart from the obvious fact that it *might* let you down, make you feel miserable.. heck, it's ok, have expectations, think about superlatively, fantabulously, beautiful things. They will happen.

I am overtime now, it's already gone into the ad break, the first half is over.

So I am outa here. I wish some folks I want to, really read this blog, not just merely read it, but UNDERSTAND it.

Dig? Good.

-V

Alright y'all.. Front and Centre!

2007-12-25T11:22:00.000-08:00

Right where I want you.. a little to the left, yeah, that's perfect!

Now sit down right there, and read this.

I am trying to see how best I can express myself here, in such a way, that most of us common-folk who visit this blog, also understand it from their perspectives.

And I am losing sight of whether I want this to be my dustbin or whether I'd want this to make a difference to people who read it.

I am giving up on the latter, because the former serves the latter's purpose, and if it doesn't, to hoots.

I am in the zone. You know, the zone. Where you can get in, and there are 2 ways out.

Way 1: One which will positively bring you happiness, joy, EQ, company, everything together, with baggage, which is not necessarily termed baggage, but is something beautiful.

Way 2: One which will take you to the depths of the zone, shovel you around like a cloth stuck in a washing machine, or dishes stuck in a dishwasher, squeezes the life out of you, leaves you wanting, craving for more and then you are kicked out of the zone with nothing left but, a lot of learning.

Way 1 seems to be much better.

Folks who have gone through Way 2 and then have gotten to Way 1, I congratulate you. You must be quite happy right now.

Folks stuck in Way 2, keep at it, one day, Way 1 won't be that far.

I sign off on this optimistic note. I like.

The rest, of course, is left to your imagination.

-V

Guess who's back

2007-12-16T23:35:00.001-08:00

... after hibernation.

Not really, wasn't sleeping all this while.. but I never had a situation to write about, never was I immersed completely in my web of thoughts. It was a welcome break from my intense self.. but I am back again.

So what's happening this time?

I feel like I am going in rewind mode. I think some joker up there thinks it's fun to see how I react to every other question/situation put forward to me. I am being wound up, and being played again and again, like some lame ass, broken taperecorder.

( PS: Looks like my blog went past the 200 as well as the 250 marks while I was hibernating, thanks you guys.. it's because of you readers that I continue to dish it out. *SIGH* )

Where was I? Yeah, the rewind bit.

I have the following questions to ask you, maker of mine:

1) Why are some specific things not simple for me?

2) Why do I not get what I want most of the times?

3) Why do I have to go through the same things over and over again, before potentially facing the same old disappointments?

4) What character traits do I exhibit, for me to go through point 3)?

5) Why am I the punching bag? Why am I the shoulder? I don't wanna be.

I believe that at this point of time in my life, I have transcended being the shoulder, I am in a different plane altogether. At this point of time, I become the shoulder, I become close, only to people I think I see a rosy future with.

To reiterate, I DO NOT get CLOSE to ANYONE without thinking about the future that lies ahead, I may not say it in as many words, but that's the way it is.

There was a "decision making" post of mine somewhere earlier in this part of the web.. and it still remains the same. I make 'em and I stick to 'em.

Nobody can make me shut the door to possibilities which are beautiful and gorgeous. I will not allow that, I wouldn't expect it from anybody else either.

Especially when the door was not shut EARLIER.

I believe in going with the flow, I believe in doing the right things at the right time.

I believe that if 2 people are meant to be together, the signs are seen very early, and these are the REAL signs. Don't fight them folks, believe them, trust your feelings, trust each other.

I believe it takes 2 different people to enjoy a conversation, I believe it takes 2 different people to converge towards a common base, I believe 2 different people CAN get along beautifully well, as has ALWAYS been the case.

2 people need to be different - for the puzzle to be complete. Can't have 2 similar pieces in a jigsaw .. can you?

Everything's gonna be alright..

-V

What do you do when...

2007-11-10T10:46:00.000-08:00

... you have run out of options for anything?

I had absolutely NOTHING to do today apart from jammin' with the band. I watched 2 movies in a row. Mission Impossible 3 and Click, the latter which disturbed me quite a bit, even though it's supposed to be a comedy (? What? )

I am WONDERING about what to do tomorrow, given that it's a Sunday.. tried asking a couple of folks to come to a movie with me. I haven't watched Shivaji of all movies.. can you beat that? I wanted to watch it tomorrow, thought my parents would like to watch it, but Dad wanted to sleep and Mom got a little bored hearing that Dad wouldn't be coming, and she lost interest.

So here I am.

Trying to see what I can do tomorrow, I was supposed to be meeting someone, and it didn't happen as well! Last minute cancellation! Darn!

Any takers for Shivaji? Drop me a line if you wanna watch it, with me, of course :P

I need to do something tomorrow man.. otherwise I am just gonna end up like a rotten tomato! Need some fresh air and some company! BRING IT!

-V

So long, yesterday!

2007-11-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

Continuing on the theme from my previous post .. some beautiful lyrics! Epitomizes so much!

In my rearview mirror
My life is getting clearer
The sunset sighs and slowly disappears
These trinkets once were treasure
Life changes like the weather
You grow up, grow old or hit the road ’round here
So I drive, watching white lines passing by
With my plastic dashboard Jesus, waiting there to greet us

Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
Yeah I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
Out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

I don’t know where I’m going
But I know where I’ve been
I’m afraid of going back again
So I drive, years and miles are flying by
And waiting there to great us
Is my plastic dashboard Jesus

Hey, hey, I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
Yeah I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
Out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

Oh patron saint of lonely souls
Tell this boy which way to go
Guide the car, you got the keys
Farewell to mediocrity
Kicking off the cruise-control
And turning up the radio
Got just enough religion
And a half tank of gas come on, let’s go

I finally found my way
Say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on this lost highway
I’m busting loose, I’m letting go
When I'm out on this open road
It’s independence day on this lost highway

Courtesy - Bon Jovi - from their latest album - "Lost Highway", a song called "Lost Highway" :)

-V

Liberated!

2007-10-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

You know the feeling when you've just finished everything, and there's nothing left to follow up with or even think about?

Especially, when you've finished things you've really wanted to do from sometime, and the outcome of these things actually put you at ease?

Wow. Like James Brown said.. "I feel good". Tanananana.

I feel LIBERATED!

Needed to finish 3 things. And all of them have worked out for the BEST! The last thing happening on Sunday!

The weight has SUDDENLY eased, everything's so darn relaxing, serene, calm.

EXCEPT..

Yes, there had to be a BUT/EXCEPT. Alright already, gotta continue.

EXCEPT.. that work's gotten a little hectic-er. Not that it's such a bad thing, it's keeping me occupied, and I like it!

Gotta keep on rolling man.. Gotta keep on rolling!

3 cheers to LIFE!

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!

-V

Shallow.

2007-10-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog, ( How cheesy )

It's been sometime since I accessed you. How have you been, languishing in cyber-space with not that many hits? X-(.

So, here I am .. after quite sometime. Been extremely busy with a LOT OF THINGS to be blogging here, felt like a couple of times, never somehow got the "active enzymes" in my body to get going.

This whole take on materialism is kinda getting me low. I've come across quite a number of shallow people in my life, it's a wonder that these people even exist the way they are. What goes around, comes around. So beware.

How often are our minds persuaded by external forces? Very often. Examples:

1) Great looking car.
2) Great looking bike.
3) Great looking gadget.
4) Great looking clothes.
5) Great looking shoes.
6) Great looking girlfriend.

We've been forced, drawn, tempted towards things which may "appear" great from the outside. Have any of us have taken the time out to relate these external features to what's happening inside? Don't get it? Here goes:

1) Great looking car. Alright, what's the mileage? How's the driving comfort? How comfortable are the seats? How safe is the car in terms of sturdiness?
2) Great looking bike. Ditto.
3) Great looking gadget. What are the features? Do they help you? Is the price tag worth it?
4) Great looking clothes. Quality? Material? Out after a couple of washes?
5) Great looking shoes. Heard a guy tore his sole in 2 days flat. Another tore his laces, and so on.
6) Great looking girlfriend.

What?

6) Great looking girlfriend.

Yes, what? That the only thing? What about the inside? For all you perverted tykes, outa my blog. We can take THOSE kinda discussions offline.

Inside - Brains, ability to understand people, to be sensitive when required, to be supportive, ability to understand YOU.

Without the "Inside", the outside stands at 0. Zero. An egg. If any of you chaps is in a relationship, and the above sounds EXACTLY the opposite, then it's time to say bye-bye.

So.. what's shallow?

shallow
adjective

Lacking depth of intellect or knowledge; concerned only with what is obvious; "shallow people"; "his arguments seemed shallow and tedious"

Lacking depth of intellect, emotion, or knowledge

Not able to think seriously or feel deeply
Example: a rather shallow personality

I've come to realize, that no matter how people behave around you, no matter what opinion you might have garnered about them, their true colours come out only when their backs are towards the wall, only when they are confronted with a situation they don't know how to get out of.

The interesting thing here is what happens "during" the situation described above and what happens during the "aftermath". How does the shallow/deep categorization happen?

Sometimes, it's difficult to even come to a conclusion in the "during" situation. But the "aftermath" indicates a LOT of things, and invariably, people tend to give it out in the "aftermath"(the fact that they are shallow). Guess what, they wouldn't even notice it. Why? Shallow folks aren't necessarily the smartest living things on 2 legs.

It would be for the greater good, if all us folks did manage to give some time and thought towards the internals, towards the dynamics of everyday life, towards people we meet, learn to enjoy with and respect.

Respect is built over time, it takes a shallow mind to destroy it, either way.

-V

100 hits

2007-10-08T03:25:00.000-07:00

Ever since I got my hit meter :P.

So add to that, maybe a couple of hundred more - optimistically speaking, of course. Not like I know a lot of people who read my blog, but it's encouraging anyway. Thank you all, let me know if you've visited my blog, read it, I will give you a candy, I swear.

So, the "decision" I was talking about all this while, in atleast a couple of blogs, has met a roadblock. BUT, it's not a roadblock which will alter the msg I wanna pass on anyway. It will just have to be put in a different manner.

I don't know why people have to go through so much of bullshit to get to a point. I have no clue why there is absolutely no majority when it comes to being clear thinkers. Why is it such a big deal to "think"?

It's become a very noticeable fact these days, that folks in general have a very selfish way of looking at things, without trying to even comprehend what the others feel/perceive. It's not about you all the time, it takes 2 to make a conversation, takes 2 to tango. You cannot just bullshit people. You cannot GIVE an impression of being somebody and yet be somebody else to yourself.

The bottomline .. is "Think".

Gotta go.. Later.

-V

PS: Somebody just told me that I don't, after seeing that last line. A snoopy colleague of mine. Well, I do.

"Dream" Sequence - Reloaded.

2007-10-01T01:26:00.001-07:00

I decided to republish this blog, just because of the kind of effect it had on me. I just couldn't get myself to get over this dream I had, it was just a little too beautiful. Took me quite a while to stop thinking about it, and yet, it remains firmly imprinted.

"A resort located in a hill station, nice and cold weather, wind blowing gently. It was almost like the mood of the situation was so beautifully and ideally captured, that he felt that there was no one else apart from them. He knew that there was loads of affection between the two of them, though he had heard it from her a lot of times, he was never somehow ready or never got the chance to tell her how he felt.

The circumstances made it more romantic in certain terms - hill station, a beautiful resort, right in a pathway, with openings on either side for the wind to blow gently and a bench, where she was sitting, silently mulling over something.His mind raced back to the time they had spent together over the years, at the movies, just holding hands, walking and talking in this specific park where they spent a lot of time, the intellectual and mind boggling conversations they had, with a dash of humour thrown in for the "masala" factor. And all this time, there was one common thought - she was always there for him, whenever he felt like talking to her, whenever he felt like sharing anything. For a second, there was a sudden sense of realization - she had become an integral part of his life, she was someone who was going to be with him, someone who he would always count on, forever.

He kneeled down a little in front of her, asking her to look at him. That was a picture - right there. The two of them looking at each other and you could see what they meant to each other in their eyes. She smiled at him, and ruffled his hair playfully. He just couldn't hold back anymore.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this, but do you know that you are extremely important to me and for everything that I am and that I do?"

Before she could even utter a word, albeit the surprised look on her face, she could see that tears had started welling in his eyes. This was the first time she ever saw anything like this coming from him. She knew him to be extremely strong from the outside, she also knew that there was an emotional kid inside, always longing to be cared for, that side of him had never shown up until this instant.

He buried his face into her hands, rested his head on her lap. He just wanted to nourish this moment. The amount of happiness in that very moment for both of them, was pretty overwhelming. She rested his head on her lap and ran her fingers through his hair. She didn't say much, and a drop of tear ran down her already glowing, red cheek and she could still afford a smile.

A small line emanated from her mouth. "We are here for each other.. no matter what", saying this, she gently rested her cheek on his head...."

-V

Makes some sense..

2007-09-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

I didn't write the following, so whoever did, kudos to you, but it's something which I'd have loved to write. I mostly agree with whatever you've talked about. I will add a few lines on my own though to sum it up. Add and sum.. what am I talking these days! Sigh! So here goes... ( if you wanna sue me, it ain't gonna work, so just read the blog and get outa here ).

Now is the time when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. Sounds like you? Bad, some of us know where we wanna be 2 years down the line, some of us even know where we wanna be 5 years down the line. But this one is a toughie, so I can give you the benefit of the doubt if you're confused.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you, and if you look at the other side of the coin, some of them just plain suck.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. This depends again, on how ambitious, smart, dedicated and determined you are.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. This is the time, when you'd figure out the "right" from the "wrong". This is the time when you'd really get to know someone well, and you are mature enough to understand how this "someone" operates, but you still don't know what to do about this someone! If you tend to understand, you've just finished your first level, which means that you can go ahead and explore life. In case you didn't get it:

1) First level pass : Trust earned, trust given.

2) First level pass : When you share a relationship which is at a higher level than any of the other relationships you share with other people. For eg: you talk about things which you generally wouldn't talk about, you feel differently towards this "someone" than you'd feel to anyone else.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

How many of us would love to be contenders and how many of us, winners? Contenders - the race will never be over. Winners - you've just overtaken your worthiest opponent - FEAR.

Makes sense? You think you can relate to all this? Great. You are one amongst the youth. This isn't called the "Quarter Life Crisis" as a lot of us people generally liken it to be.

This is called - "The Growth of YOU".

-V

"Dream" Sequence

2007-09-22T00:45:00.000-07:00

A resort located in a hill station, nice and cold weather, wind blowing gently. It was almost like the mood of the situation was so beautifully and ideally captured, that he felt that there was no one else apart from them. He knew that there was loads of affection between the two of them, though he had heard it from her a lot of times, he was never somehow ready or never got the chance to tell her how he felt.

The circumstances made it more romantic in certain terms - hill station, a beautiful resort, right in a pathway, with openings on either side for the wind to blow gently and a bench, where she was sitting, silently mulling over something.

His mind raced back to the time they had spent together over the years, at the movies, just holding hands, walking and talking in this specific park where they spent a lot of time, the intellectual and mind boggling conversations they had, with a dash of humour thrown in for the "masala" factor. And all this time, there was one common thought - she was always there for him, whenever he felt like talking to her, whenever he felt like sharing anything. For a second, there was a sudden sense of realization - she had become an integral part of his life, she was someone who was going to be with him, someone who he would always count on, forever.

He kneeled down a little in front of her, asking her to look at him. That was a picture - right there. The two of them looking at each other and you could see what they meant to each other in their eyes. She smiled at him, and ruffled his hair playfully. He just couldn't hold back anymore.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this, but do you know that you are extremely important to me and for everything that I am and that I do?"

Before she could even utter a word, albeit the surprised look on her face, she could see that tears had started welling in his eyes. This was the first time she ever saw anything like this coming from him. She knew him to be extremely strong from the outside, she also knew that there was an emotional kid inside, always longing to be cared for, that side of him had never shown up until this instant.

He buried his face into her hands, rested his head on her lap. He just wanted to nourish this moment. The amount of happiness in that very moment for both of them, was pretty overwhelming. She rested his head on her lap and ran her fingers through his hair. She didn't say much, and a drop of tear ran down her already glowing, red cheek and she could still afford a smile.

A small line emanated from her mouth. "We are here for each other.. no matter what", saying this, she gently rested her cheek on his head....

-V

I am done..

2007-09-21T13:57:00.001-07:00

That's it, the time's here, I've made up my mind.

Once there's an oppurtunity, everything will be said, done and sorted out. Things are bound to go smoothly or things will end right then and there. I've tried to change the way I generally think, the fact that I've given special consideration to this situation and been a little patient than usual, are somethings I oridinarily wouldn't do. Decision making for me has been pretty solid over the years, this one is now, after some deliberation .. of course.

Not interested in playing mind games anymore. No thread to be hanging from for me. I am always going to be on solid ground, whatever maybe the outcome.

Bourne Ultimatum is one of the best movies I've seen over the past 8 months, if not the best. Go watch it. It's just a little too awesome and brilliant.

-V

When you were young..

2007-09-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to,
to save you from your old ways,
you pray forgiveness, watch him now.. here he comes.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus,
But he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined,
when you were young.

Can we climb this mountain?
I don't know..
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy, easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
on the back of a hurricane, that started turning
when you were young.

When you were young..
And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
when you were young..

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now..
But you can dip your feet,
every once in a little while...

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to,
to save you from your old ways,
you pray forgiveness, watch him now.. here he comes.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus,
But he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined,
when you were young.

Talks like a gentleman, like you imagined,
when you were young.
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus..
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus..

But more than you'll ever know.

-V

Nothing, it's just plain anger.

2007-09-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

Relationships cannot be built if there's no respect. If they were ever built without, they will end up in shackles one day or the other. You respect the partner, you have sowed the seeds of a good relationship in the making. You despise the partner, you think he/she is not upto the mark, you think that you are way more clever/brighter/superior than the partner? You think it will work? Not happening.

There's no way a relationship can last if there's no element of maturity. There's no way a relationship can last if there is a lot of sadism. There is absolutely no way a relationship can last if there's a lot of ego.

It's not a tit for tat game. Doesn't work that way. Grow up.

Understanding yourself is the first step in maintaining good relationships. You don't understand yourself? Don't you worry, you will lose it all one day.

Once relationships are built, make sure that every little moment is nurtured, make sure that you don't forget the past. The times you've shared stories together, the times you've shared happiness, sadness, glory, joy, warmth together. These are the elements which will hold the relationship for ages to come. You don't remember all these and you decide to end the relationship? You don't have a conscience, you are heartless. You are basically a worthless piece of human being crap living your life for no reason at all.

Understand each other, respect each other. It will all come together...

-V

Interpreting the current state

2007-09-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

.... of my head. It's difficult, it's confusing, something which I am obviously not used to, especially when it comes to this position I am in right now.

This is related to my previous post as well. Just interpreting the thoughts I have, and the right kind of actions to take, based on these thoughts, is kinda making me run in spirals.

I see the light, a ray of hope, sometimes, and I don't see it the rest of the times. Is it too early? Is it really worth it all? THAT is the confusion.

Do I pretend like nothing has happened at all? Do I just continue as it is and WAIT for something to happen? The WAIT always has a dependency, something which I do not want to have. I have always taken decisions, have made them knowing every single outcome. This time, it's different. Getting to the first stage of decision making is slowing things down.

I know I want this....

Need time..

-V

Penning it down, just had to.

2007-09-02T03:01:00.002-07:00

I am back from Wayanad.. and there are a couple of things which I've realized. I guess I am man enough to let my ego down for a bit and accept that I did think about this "entity" in my life for sometime. I will write more about the trip itself later.

I guess I did miss you, nah.. I really did and it's alright now, as I am back :)

-V

Actions, reactions

2007-08-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

Communication has been SUCH a BIG deal EVERYTIME.

There are dozens of instances when you've tried to say something in a certain manner, out of fear of TONS of things, but it's always perceived differently.

I FEEL it's SO MUCH EASIER to just say what you have to say, in a nice, CLEAN, CLEAR manner, and all's good with the world. Everybody understands you, everybody reciprocates the way you want them to. Do not have to use the roundabout way.

Don't be scared.

Fools.

-V

Confused, bored and incoherent

2007-08-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of this song, the first ever I wrote and composed for Quasar, today. The circumstances around which I wrote it were pretty chaotic to say the least. But it did make me understand what I REALLY wanted to talk about, or express.

"Getting There"

Just another phase, another moment in time
wasn't really worth that sorry little rhyme
Wanna get these thoughts out of my head
Being out of sync with myself, now I'm not dead

And suddenly the wave hits me,
Can't control this intensity

Now the pain's flowing through my veins,
Am I feeling all that you want me to.. is it the same?
Wanna get away from this feeling, it's never ending
Running until I find the real ending, I'm getting there.

Another moment when I'm drawn close,
The next thing I know, I'm on the road I chose
Wanna get past this misery and this confusion
You give me a tough choice, but I want a solution

And everything turns into darkness,
enter the demons from my nest

Now the pain's flowing through my veins,
Am I feeling all that you want me to.. is it the same?
Wanna get away from this feeling, it's never ending
Running until I find the real ending, I'm getting there.

Give me some time to think, I need to realize..
Need to understand what I'm going through,
Sitting here and I am thinking nothing..
Tell me how do I continue?

Am I blindfolded at this time?
Can I really see the light?

Now the pain's flowing through my veins,
Am I feeling all that you want me to.. is it the same?
Wanna get away from this feeling, it's never ending
Running until I find the real ending, I'm getting there.

--------------------------------------------------------

There ends my chagrin. Interpretations are welcome.

There are a couple of things which I've been keeping tabs on from sometime. I am in a position to almost make a decision about one of them, but I think it will require another month or so. Do not want to rush in at this moment and create problems.

Met some pals over the weekend, found a cockroach in a dish, almost ate non-vegetarian food, saw a movie, played Age of Empires, took a nice long walk, helped a couple of friends, out and out nice weekend. Not gonna ask for more :D

More stuff to follow.. keep guessing dolts.

-V

Conversations with GOD.

2007-08-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have heard of that title before, I don't know when/where/how. But I've heard of it, and it made sense to use it here.

It's been funny how the past few days have been going. I have this habit of just standing silent in front of the prayer hall @ my place, talking .. yes, talking for a couple of minutes and THEN going to bed.

The funny thing here is, I didn't have this habit before.

So.. I talk, I talk about what I want, I talk about what I want to do the next day, I talk about almost anything and everything which might seem to be present in my mind at that point of time. It somehow eases the mind, puts it to rest, gives me a sense of calm which I haven't really felt before. It's not gay, don't even think about it.

To top it all, touchwood.. where's that desk of mine.. ah! There. Done. To top it all, the day goes like I want it to go, I feel in control of myself. I feel ready to take on the world. It's a "relatively" new feeling, and I am living it. It feels nice.

Another day will start tomorrow, and it will eventually end. Things will happen again, things will be nice, things will start to get better than nice, and it will be the best someday.

Before I lose track and get even more confusing... Over and out chaps and chapesses.

-V

How far are we taking Independence?

2007-08-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to see the mindset of people these days.

It's very interesting to see that there is a general trend of westernization, a more conscious brand sense, commercialization.

It's also extremely interesting to notice, that the "Indian" in people generally seems to be going out of the window.

Take the Times of India publication for example. Nothing against you guys FYI, this is just my opinion. Bangalore Times has to be the joke of the century. Especially when it comes to the Page 3 section. Who the heck cares who these people are? How in the world are they even making a difference to society? By "Partying", "Letting their hair down", "binging" etc? You must be kidding me.

The above stuff means that I do read it, I do read Bangalore Times. I am not being a hypocrite here when I am saying this, but I read it because of it's mindless stupidity which gives me entertainment or more reasons to point out flaws and generally point out everyday to folks who think alike about how things are changing.

Which brings me to Independence.. how are we being Independent? Are we being "Independent" when it comes to making decisions? Are we being "Independent" when it comes to representing India and our glorious culture which has now almost been laid to rest because of these toddlers who'd do anything to get on to a newspaper? Are we being "Independent" enough to understand that Bureaucracy exists at grass-root levels and we do everything we can to counteract it everyday without realizing?

Representing "Independent" India, is by standing up and being counted, is to do something which will make a difference to society. I slowly am getting the feeling, that there's so much of "broad-mindedness" getting into our culture, ( it is good, but it's not supposed to be misinterpreted ), we are losing track of what/who exactly we represent.

The term : "Being Broad-Minded" is to accept all possibilities in life and make decisions based on the most practical/logical/feasible choices. It's NOT in anyway to become an alien in your own country/state/district/city whatever. Respect the culture, tradition.. the whole deal which comes with it. These are our roots, this is who we are. Let's not make monkeys out of ourselves by being somebody we aren't, and we are never going to be. Let's live and experience life originally, let's be tolerant. Let's respect our kith and kin. Let's show the true meaning of being Indian.

Reality people, feel mother earth. Get those feet on the ground.. life will definitely be more pleasant. Nobody needs to fake it.

-V

Random Rantings...

2007-08-19T03:50:00.000-07:00

"The door is locked now but it's opened if you're true
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you"

I heard these lines sometime back.. and it's surprising that I have actually never mentioned about it in my blog. For those who don't know where I got these lines from, I won't tell you.

There's a special emphasis on the definite article here.. "The" you, "The" me. Makes perfect sense. In short, the door can open only if there's a lot of understanding, and this isn't JUST understanding, but understanding "THE" essence, "THE" individual, "THE" person, what makes "THE" person what he/she is.

BUT, there's another side to this. I don't necessarily agree that this whole process is 2 way. For example, if you can understand "THE" me, then it doesn't necessarily mean that I can understand "THE" you right? :D. Wow, this is going from serious to funny :) You don't see the joke here? Fly a kite.

I am going to go for a long drive now. It's going to be fun :)

Not until I finish this though.

Heard some stories lately, lots of fantastic surprising moments, unexpected twists/turns .. lots of Masala. Thinking about this, no matter how serious the situation was, I tend to kind of laugh, so does the protagonist. The protagonist is cuckoo anyway. But for once, it had every ingredient of a Hindi movie. You know.. there might be tons of situations - for which there might be lots of outcomes. Almost all the time, you think of 3-4 possible outcomes and NONE of the 3-4 ever happen! It's always something different! It's like the big guy on top is orchestrating every single thing happening on this planet! This situation was one of those ..

Wayanad will happen sometime in the last week of August. The snaps look beautiful, a nice getaway for 2-3 days, though I will miss people here.

-V

PS: Not like I won't blog until I come back from Wayanad.

Words

2007-08-15T11:30:00.001-07:00

I decided to pen down some words which describe me ( in no particular order), I will add as the years pass by:

1) Intellectual.

2) Smart.

3) Committed.

4) Frank.

5) Straight Forward.

6) Cuckoo.

7) Musically conscious.

8) Passionate.

9) EXTREMELY Ambitious.

10) Impersonator/Imitator - If I want to.

11) Values relationships.

12) Cares.

13) Expressive.

14) Humourous/Funny.

15) Emotional, about certain things. And no, it's not gay.

16) Narcissistic.

17) Gloat-er.

18) WINNER. Don't like to lose. IN ANYTHING.

19) Sportsman. You name it, I play it. AND DAMN WELL TOO.

20) All-rounder.

This is THE template to create ME. I am sure nobody will come quite close, but anyway.. this is for MY reference, the rest of you can suck an egg.

-V

So.. what's the deal?

2007-08-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about these few people I've met/seen who come from outside Bangalore, who make this their place and crib about how great their city is. I figured, that there are a lot more people who are heavily putting these kinda people in their places and I didn't need to do that on my own, once again.

Instead, let's talk about a few other things.

Quasar's on an indefinite hiatus. So, there's a new band in the making, comprising all the members of Quasar ( except the lead guitarist who's off to the US ), and Shalini on the bass, and she is kick ass. One of the best in Bangalore. My role has slightly changed now, I am going to be doing a little bit of rhythm guitar work, and doing main vocals. We jammed for this first time today, and the fact that there was a sense of familiarity already with Shalini, ( since she had already jammed with Quasar and appeared on quite a number of shows for us too ), helped things fall into place pretty easily.. we jammed on Dream Theater's "As I Am" - a very "in your face" kinda song, complicated to pick up, and it just FELL into place... lots of work to do yet, but the signs are very good! We should be debuting @ the September Sunday Jam.

Little annoying character I met over the weekend, the things he did to get a woman's attention and upstage another guy while at it, he thought he was being extremely funny, I don't think the woman or the other guy concurred with that view. Although, the woman seemed to be laughing, a little too much, for things which didn't even seem "laughable". Bah, the things people do.

It's interesting sometimes, where I feel that I've actually developed a bond with someone, and from what it seems like, the bond seems to be developing from the other end as well. It's quite funny how people can just play down some of the decisions or some of their actions, which otherwise might seem surprising. It would never be easy for me to play down something which has led me to develop a bond for somebody. "Something" could be the duration of this bonding, the number of you're in touch, loads of things. But hey.. that could just be the way I function. I guess the world's weird on it's own, there's no need to complicate matters further.

Life's available as a challenge in so many ways, be it professionally or personally. It might be difficult to face these challenges, but that's life. You face up to it, or you perish. Survival of the fittest and all that .. ref. the Darwin fella.

-V

Waiting for the day to end..

2007-08-05T08:53:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days.. where it actually starts with amazingly positive anticipation and ends up amazingly BROCOLLI-ish? Why am I saying that? Because the blasted day left a real BAD TASTE in the mouth!

This was supposed to be my band's farewell gig, our lead guitarist is moving to the US. We were preparing for this, from quite a while now. This = Freedom Jam.

We are all set to go, our slot's at 8:20 PM in the evening, the programme's actually 1 hour behind schedule - so our slot was GOING to be @ 9:20 PM.

We got there @ 5 PM sans our drummer, who had some personal matters to attend to. The whole place looks superb, 3 different stages and the ground's SUPERBLY muddy and sloshed, thanks to all the rain pouring down over the past few days..

We get a call at around 6 PM from our drummer saying that he met with an accident, ( nothing happened to him.. thank god ) and the guy who banged into him - who incidentally, jumped a signal, broke his jaw and was lying in the hospital AND he belongs to a clan filled with local rowdies who are out to make a quick buck.

So we rush all the way from Palace Grounds to Southend Circle, pay off the family, visit the cop's station blah blah blah... and all's supposed to be rosy? NO.

What now.. the drummer's servant maid tries to commit suicide because her brother apparently beat her up. And how does she decide to do it? She drinks surgical acid which is @ the drummer's place.. when his wife wasn't looking. Super eh? How BAD can a day get? Wait.. it got worse.

So, we didn't play @ Freedom Jam, we didn't have a send off gig for our lead guitarist. So, I am obviously depressed, and I want to unwind by hanging around with my pals. I give a call to a couple of them, who were still @ Freedom Jam, and they decided to get to my end of town to have dinner.

I got back home, freshened up, got out of the house, to the end of the road, I am about to get to the dinner place. So what now.. we were supposed to be having dinner and end the day on a high note? NO.

I got to the end of the road, gave one of my pals a call. Happily enough, 2-3 of them are drunk ( not the one I spoke to on the phone ) and they wanted to get to Lavelle Road to eat Pizzas and then come to dinner this side of town. 8:30 PM - very likely eh?

I obviously didn't go, so what am I doing? I am venting right now.

When I actually look back on the day now, and especially this last episode.. I don't understand this point of getting drunk. These so called "friends" of mine, who were happy having a laugh, living life nice and hard, playing a lot of sports etc. This CHANGE - smoking and drinking, something which I do not do, even though I play for a Rock 'n Roll band, and I am "SUPPOSED" to be doing this because I play for one - I just don't get the motivation behind this "HABIT" of their's.

What's the point? Getting drunk on 1 day out of 365 is just about ok, but 2 in 2? You must be kidding me.. has your life gone out of control THAT MUCH? What happened to the nice image around 6 years back? This isn't "COOL", it's absolutely DISGRACEFUL. Think about it, you guys are just screwing your own lives... in the name of being "COOL". Shit, I can't despise this fact enough!

Manchester United just won the Community Shield. Something to cheer about.. for me.

-V

New Blog! New Blog! People Bashing!

2007-07-24T03:21:00.001-07:00

Y-E-S! I am BACK! Note the distinct echo! ( New blog .. new blog.. and fade ). For all those people who visit this blog ( not too many ) and for all those who don't visit it ( that's a little too much ), I am BLOGGING again - and this one's SPECIAL. It's a PEOPLE BASHING blog - chaps who come and read this - if you think the description fits you, there you go - you understand! :P

Alright.. so here goes:

Person 1:

1) Don't act important, if nobody's worth your time, you are worth nobody's.

2) Respect people around you, no matter how insignificant or how amazingly dumb/stupid they can be.

3) Learn to reciprocate and understand people's feelings when they are talking to you or vice versa. Think before you talk like the old man said!

4) Just because you might be close to someone, it REALLY doesn't mean that you can say any damn thing under the sun to them and get away with it. Refer for solutions to point 2.

5) Be aware. Bottomline - that's not "Beware" btw, it could have been had my fuse gotten a little shorter, but that's another story altogether.

6) You assume you are practical... SHOW IT!

Person 2:

1) Ah, you have a couple of person 1's traits - Look for point 2 above.

2) Be decisive, stop being fickle.

3) Do not change colours - wanting folks when you want them and trash them when you don't.

4) Stop opening your big fat mouth! Learn to be discreet.

5) You are not the ruler of the world like you think you are, if and when it comes to that, all of us humans will recognize you. Arrogance ain't gonna get you nowhere.

Person 3:

1) Ego - not good, come down from your pedestal.

2) If you think there are folks in this world who are special to you, show them by being there for them and NOT by being MATERIALISTIC.

3) Don't run away from problems/tough situations, look at them in the eye, solve them.

4) COMMUNICATE from your side to folks who are special, they won't be doing that ALL the damn time on their own with you, if they see nothing coming from your end. What do you need in order to achieve this? Point 1.

Alright - you 3, figure it out.

Right, so there are different character traits for each of these folks. And I believe now, that if somebody WERE to read this AND follow all the points above - you will be or you ALREADY ARE one nice guy/gal and you will find a place in my row-boat or anybody else's for that matter. Heck - this IS the RECIPE for the perfect person! Any more additional points?

See? Anger can have it's positive effects! I will add/delete whatever's there in this post in future, depending on what I feel and what I perceive.

Feel free to comment.

-V

Serious Rhapsody

2007-06-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

The title might just be a little off key, it is I guess, but it's ok.

Know why I use this space? The answer might be extremely common and obvious, but:

1) It's a nice big dump of the head's intricacies.

2) It's a nice big dump of accumulated frustrations.

3) It's a nice big dump.

and for once, it doesn't smell!

I am an idealist, I still am, but I find that my notions are changing, slowly, but surely. Although I'd like to keep my view point the same, sometimes I tend to look away from it too.

I believed in this "Friends for life" thing, as girly/emotional/whatever as it may sound. I find that I am slowly drifting away from that very opinion of mine. I don't think there's anything actually like that, I might be proven wrong sometime down the line, but for now, it's fading away from me.

People around seem to be going away, seem to be taking things for granted, there's hardly any respect left, it's just not happening. It's an age where people'd rather be left alone, instead of hanging around with close chums and pals, everybody's on the lookout for his/her own benefits, nobody cares for each other - it's not there anymore.

The world's becoming more and more driven by "the self". Every person to himself, don't need company, don't need no one. Happy with his/her own life. Watching this as a 3rd person, and sometimes as the chap on the receiving end, I can't help but wonder what it'll be like 10 years down the line. If the meaning of true companionship has come down to just "Birthday treats", "Movies" and all other material things, there's no point anymore.

It's all good being together for all the things I've mentioned above. But if your presence isn't felt when there's a dire need, why do you even term it "Friendship"? It's all about being there bud, it's all about understanding, it's about respect, it's about not taking people for granted.

I actually did hear from some chap that friendship actually means taking friends for granted. The chap in my personal opinion, needs to be hung upside down, tickled feverishly and should be spanked silly.

When you take people for granted, you are in turn not respecting them, you destroy the sanctity and the purity of the relationship. Friendship is built on mutual respect and admiration, it's not built on anything else, so make sure you chaps follow this golden rule.

Till next time.

-V

Auto Drivers

2007-05-21T01:38:00.000-07:00

Come on - how many people have talked about these chaps? Looks like they are in a world of their own when they get inside that contraption to drive 'em!

Here I was at the end of my road, ( ok, not really my road, but the end of the road in which my house is situated, thank you ) trying to catch an auto pretty quickly as I was already late to catch my bus to get to work!

1) The first chap doesn't even BOTHER looking in the direction from which the "AUTO" call came.

2) The second chap asks for 30 bucks, when the place is just 1.6 kms away, minimum charge is all that is applicable, I ask him to take a flying fuck.

3) The third chap looks extremely pissed, as if he hasn't had any for a LONG time, the moment I tell him my destination, gives me a grim, menacing look and says "Change idre banni, illadre time waste maadbedi", loosely translated into English from Kannada as "Come if you've change, otherwise don't waste my time". So, since I was in a hurry, and the fact that his attitude didn't matter to me as long as I got to my destination, I said "Yes" in a hurry and got in.

4) So, the story goes on. My bus stand is located on the other side of a busy signal, so I typically get the Auto guy to drop me on the other side of the signal, since I always cut it close by 2-3 mins, and even if the bus decides to drive away, I can catch up with it using the auto.

5) So, somehow today, I seemed to be 2-3 mins early, and I told the very decent, dignified, cattle rapist auto-driver to stop right behind the bus, after we crossed the signal.

6) So what does he do? Instead of being happy that I've the EXACT change to give him, he gives me a scornful, angry look and tells me, "Ivaaga naanu oorella suthkondu vaapas hogbeku, sumne signal hathra ne iLdidre yen kashta, ee putkosi hanneradu rupaai ge", again loosely translated as " I have to take a whole damn circle to come back to the main road because of this, you could have gotten down there itself, and it was just for a puny 12 bucks".

7) So I told him that I have a damn bus to catch, and I'd always like to make sure that I DO CATCH IT, instead of RUNNING BEHIND it.

What a retort : "Ee auto nimgalla irodu" --> "this auto isn't available for you guys"

Me : "Howdri, namage seve maadodu neevu, nim kelsa idu, naavilla andre nimage business hege sigathe?" --> " Yes sir, you give us your auto service, it's your job, without us how would you get any business?"

Note: At this point of time, I've already gotten out of the auto and I am walking towards the bus.

AutoMan : Starts swearing

Me : "Aee.. hogri!" --> "Aee.. get out man"

End of story.

These guys REALLY need to get a life, sheesh! How many of you've been in an unfortunate Auto Driver incident?

Sheesh, frustrating way to start a Monday!

-V

And somebody answers...

2007-05-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

"hey, I've been waiting to talk to you for sometime now
hey, I've been wanting to get through to you for sometime now

for you to tell me -
you've been watching the clouds go by
and you got nothing to prove
counting each and everyday go by
got no time to brood

let me say -
it's alright - I'll smile my way
it's alright - I'll walk all day
it's alright - I'll talk my way
into your sunshine, shine like I will shine"

More to come.

Stay tuned.

Same blog channel, a different blog time.

-V

Ask

2007-05-20T10:16:00.001-07:00

I shall ask the following, the answers will be in my next blog.

"In my darkest hour, you weren't around. How would it matter anyway if you were gonna be around when it wasn't really gonna matter? Now is when it really matters, now is when it really counts. Where were you during this time... where were you?"

Out of my blog..

Out.

NOW.

-V

Here is gone.

2007-05-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

Lookie, I am becoming ME. I am going to STOP going into a shell, I am going to stop wasting my time by beating around the bush with some people, I will get to being ME.

It's amazing how I've noticed that certain parts of my character start disappearing sometimes when I am apprehensive about interacting with a certain set of people, this is purely with people who really really mean something to me.

Once I start going into this shell, I sometimes hit a point of no return, and I swear - this is going to change, starting now. You like/appreciate/dislike/detest me for me. Period. The Complete Man - Raymonds. GAH! NOOO. Stop cracking PJs, down!

From now on, there's gonna be more brutal honesty, brutal frankness, downright brutal straight-forward me. Don't like it? You can suck an egg. ( Of course, I can be discreet too, but that will obviously depend on the situation, can't behave like a guldu all the time ).

"And I want to get free,
talk to me,
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be, all you need,
Somehow here is gone"

Beautiful words.

Adios.

-V

Annoying tendencies.

2007-05-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking about some really crazy topics for my blogs. Ah well.

*Disclaimer - I am pouring out a lot of thoughts into this, some of which maybe derogatory to the fairer sex. Take it with a pinch of salt*

I have been a part of a lot of soul searching discussions amongst my guy pals. Almost all the time, the topic veers towards girls. Guys talking about girls is quite common, especially when they get together, watch out, I know it's common knowledge already.

So, what do they talk about? They talk about how annoying women are. No, we don't praise you to the skies, even girlfriends seem to be a pain these days.

Why?

Everytime it leads to be the same answer. You are just not straight forward, you make things work like Center Freshes or Wrigleys or even Boomers for that matter!

Still don't get it? How's this - S-T-R-E-T-C-H-?

Wouldn't life be simpler for men as well as women, if women spoke their mind about their feelings for a guy?

Illustrations:

1) You think a guy is plain annoying? Tell him. I am SURE any self-respecting guy would understand and lay off your cases. Don't do a "I am avoiding/ignoring you" routine, it simply screws the matter even further.

2) You're good looking? Wow, haven't you already scored points now! SO STOP BEHAVING LIKE GOOD OL' LIZY FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! "Vain"-ness will not be tolerated. Modesty is something which women don't have, ESPECIALLY when it comes to their looks. It increases their value in their OWN eyes by 10 fold. Now, really get a life and start behaving like a normal human being. Don't put your price up.

3) Guy tries to ask you out, you refuse. Simple. He gets the message. Don't behave like chickens and MAKE UP excuses. I have heard a lot of them from my pals, and each of them gets better with time. "It's raining and I can't come now". And you are just 200 metres away!!!! WTF?

4) Stop giving this routine about being a FRIEND for life when a guy tells you about his feelings. I mean CHRIST! The poor chap has already gone through a million iterations in his own head about what he wants to tell you, and how he wants to do it. He doesn't WANT you as a friend. Get that into your skulls. You stop the relationship right then and there, tell them it's not happening, in time I am sure, if there was ever gonna be a trace of friendship, it would happen. Give it time.

5) If you have feelings for a guy, TELL HIM. Stop dropping fishing hooks everywhere! It's ok until a certain period of time, but it's so friggin' annoying to keep 'em guessing. Shit!

Ok, I am not being a sexist, I am not being a chauvinist. This is not being written after taking one guy's opinion into consideration. I am pretty sure that women out there would have complaints too, you can voice it out here for all I care.

Bottomline - stop being a pain in the backside, make life simpler for you and people around you.

Dig?

When will you EVER learn?

-V

Understanding me.

2007-05-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been trying to figure out, why some of my dear pals get annoyed/are getting annoyed with me. ( Rare occurences )

Possible candidates:

1) I bug. Literally.

2) I am too blunt. Not literally.

3) I don't keep up my word. ( I so bloody well doubt this ).

4) People just don't get it. ( Which I think is the case half the time ).

Listen, I am not about to get all heated up and go into raptures of depression to try and figure out why. But what does intrigue me, is that whenever people do get annoyed, which is quite rare, which is what prompted me to write this blog, they do not explain the darn situation.

Very simple. This is what you have to do if YOU get annoyed with me, and if I don't know what I've done to annoy your sorry ae. ( ass )

1) Tell me what I did to annoy you.

2) Let's have a nice constructive argument, we can keep time limits if you like.

3) If you still wanna act stubborn and annoying, yes annoying, I will still try and find out what's bugging you. I got loads of patience.

4) You wanna call me names in the process? Go ahead, it's gonna strengthen my resolve even more :D

5) If you don't wanna get into 1) and 2) and you don't wanna get out of 3) and 4), 6) will hold good.

6) Everyone's got a limit, even me when it comes to patience, my patience in particular. So, you cross the limit, you are branded a kid with an annoyingly short fuse. Now, how you get rid off the brand is left to you. Grow up, that's all I can say.

Anyway, all you guys who think I've annoyed you, please read this. Must be a little more insightful about how I work when things like this happen to me :)

Take a chill pill mae! ( man ). Bah!

-V

Toilet screams and Effigies

2007-04-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

So the man's back again, with more N's and not just for 4-5 mins, back for 3 whole hours!

After sufficiently nasalling all his listeners..... lookie! - Captain CapMan is back with his touching and emotional story of luv. Yes LUV, not LOVE, but L-U-V. May the elements shower all the N's on this movie, all sorts of N's. This is going to be bigger than all 3 SpiderMan movies put together. Our answer to Hollywood! Take that you firangs!

People who want to understand how the loo feels, go watch it. Priceless education!

Burning effigies because Shilpa "Big Brother" Shetty was kissed left, right and centre ( Literally ) by Richard Gere - wow, that's a lot of jealousy isay! Looks like the chaps really wanted to be in Mr.Gere's big shoes :D

-V

Where's the fire?!

2007-04-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, people on the ROAD just don't seem to be getting the darn point!!

Isn't it a godforsaken RULE that you aren't supposed to be overtaking from the left? What the heck is wrong with you? Do you want to lose a limb and be incapable of growing your family? MAGGOTS!

Really - you should follow these rules, this goes to you - the guy on the two wheeler who wants to overtake a big car from the left on a BIDIRECTIONAL 25ft road:

1) We are NOT in the US! We are FAR AWAY from it, we are in GOOD OL' INDIA.

2) What do we do in India? We OVERTAKE from the RIGHT, we DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT OVERTAKE FROM THE LEFT.

3) If you DO OVERTAKE FROM THE LEFT, BAD things will happen to you, the cock will start crowing and finally go LIMP! Get this into your thick SKULL!

4) VALUE your LIFE, for all you care - there are a billion dollars just waiting to come and rain on your sorry ass tomorrow.

5) A minute or two of CAREFUL driving will NOT make yo' mama's superbly cooked UDDINA VADA go COLD! BE PATIENT! ( oh btw, notice the delicate yet subtle usage of pure Kannada pronunciations with the "A" being added at the end of UDDIN"A")

Jeez, be safe you arseholes!! Stop complaining about the darn traffic when you cannot follow simple rules!!

JERKS!

-V

Mixed Fruit Jam.

2007-04-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

I am not talking about Kissan.

No, I am not talking about the Bangalore Rock 'n Roll band either.

I am talking about my head. Not my head literally, the thoughts inside it/him.

It's been such a roller-coaster few weeks. Amazing surprises, good ones - one of 'em which will keep me happy for a year now :D and some real disappointing ones. Murphy's law holds good with me sometimes...... good ol' Murphy.

Oh btw - check this out - wow what an amazing vent for all those untold feelings inside, s00per stuff - thebangaloretorpedo.blogspot.com

It's a strange world this, strange people, strange ways of life, strange clothes, strange hang-out places, strange habits... Strange.

People these days are so full of themselves that they do not seem to realize that there is a whole lot of shit happening around them which can/cannot affect them - I think it's leading to a point where the "care" and "warmth" of the people in Bangalore is disappearing ALARMINGLY! Yes, throw caution to the wind my friend! Now I know that aliens really do exist! Well, you figure out what I am talking about.

Quasar's looking for vocalists - so if you sing well and can carry it off with amazing stage presence, you can talk to me.

My eyes are burning from the roller-coaster ride of these s00per and weird things happening in my life over the past few weeks - I fervently HOPE, that everything works out for the best..

Hope.

-V

Premonitions

2007-02-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

The title says it all.

How many times have you predicted something to happen in your life - and this "something" did ACTUALLY happen sometime later.

It did.

The timeline:

Premonition ( 3-4 weeks back ) ----------> ( 3-4 weeks later ) Reality.

And it wasn't something which I was keenly waiting for, trust me.

I mean, of course - this subject doesn't include cricket matches. Lame.

Anyway, I hope that I do get a "Premonition" of sorts which is extremely good and the above timeline diagram repeats!

And if wishes were palaces, I would own 20 by now. Why 20? I won't tell you.

Have people changed in the span of a year after hitting the age of 21-22? I have rarely seen that happen. I am talking about DRASTIC changes, mentally. From being completely kiddish, innocent etc. to being mature and shedding a little of that innocence? I maintain that some amount of innocence is always good. Of course, these couple of lines are tangential to the topic of interest. But, I wonder nevertheless.

-V

No.

2007-02-18T10:42:00.000-08:00

I had decided.. sometime ago in fact, to write material here only if I thought I had enough stuff to write about.

But no.

I am not going to do that anymore. This will be a REPOSITORY for all my random thoughts. And I really don't care.

Cool eh? "I don't care!" "I don't care!". Keep saying that, but in the deepest, darkest corners of your heart, you know you bloody well do. The next time you say those 3 words mentioned above, THINK.

Which means, I DO CARE. That is why I am writing this darn blog. Contradiction? No. Biscuit ( You'll know what I mean if you know chaste Kannada ) - Yes.

Bridge to Terabithia has to be the season's most stupidest movie. Take my advice - do not watch it.

Thinking of going to either Ghost Rider or Ekalavya this week. Should be a nice toss up.

Work, work. Engagements, parties, Thumris, Music - all a done deal for this week. It's going to be hectic.

Quasar's back to looking for a lead singer after our very own Anil "Axl" Kakde ( Supersinger of Bangalore's rock scene ) will be going off to the US. Let's see what happens, a couple of changes in the band line-up likely. No exits apart from the vocalist spot, just some enhancements ;)

Want more? Ask me.

Later.

-V

Thoughts

2007-02-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

The world is closing in.

It's becoming difficult day after day to focus on the future.

I guess this is where it all B-E-G-I-N-S.

A new wave. A new beginning. A new way to look at life, to take things one step at a time, to enjoy the present than bother too much about the future.

Coincidentally, I am listening to "Right Now" - Van Halen.

Adios.

I won't tell you.

2006-12-15T12:42:00.001-08:00

Why do people need to think of titles all the time for their blogs? Strange.

It's 9:37 PM , atleast - where I am right now. Another 6 nights, and I am back in Bangalore. I love every freaking organism there.

Pretty good developments back home - My band's gonna be headlining @ Mount Carmel's College on the 6th of Jan - 6 PM onwards. Of course - with me. It's nice to be back to the music scene, missing it terribly. That show should be a killer!

It's been more than a month outside the country, there are so many things DIFFERENT here. I guess I might be stating the obvious, but it just isn't India. Nothing like India... trust me on that. I guess foreigners who come to India might have the same opinion about their homeland, but there's something unique about India.

People welcome you with open arms, there's always a sense of warmth about everyone's behaviour. It's very difficult to find the same trait in other countries. Not like I have visited many, but I know it from what people have told me.

It's robotic, very monotonous, people doing the same thing everyday, over and over and over again. The same kind of silence in the trains, the same kind of clothes, the same faces, every single thing has quite a degree of monotonicity. C-O-L-D. The weather as well as the people.

It's the truth, I suppose they are used to this kind of lifestyle, and it just goes on and on and on.

And you can just go with the flow.. do the same thing everyday. You don't know the language? You don't understand what people speak around you? There's not a single display board in English? BAH!

It's beautiful though, there are a lot of scenic places and monuments if you feel like going and watching them when it's -2 to 5 degrees Celsius.

And if you didn't understand the title of this blog, read it this way - "Title: ......................". Yes? Good.

Ok, that's it for now. Yawn.

Memoirs.

2006-11-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

Ok, it’s been sometime since I wrote anything here.

Reasons:

1) I was scheduled to fly out of the country (I did.)
2) I had to finish my backlog work at office before flying (I did.)
3) Incase you still didn’t get it, I was B-U-S-Y.

Right.

I’m on an assignment in Europe for 40 days. I will miss my family, friends, band and Bangalore in that order. I do not want to stress myself by thinking as to what to write in my blog; it should be Captain Cook types you know – free flowing and all that! Gee, I guess I’ve even lost my sense of humour.

I have been here before, saw a lot of places and I do not see the point in seeing them again. So, I’ve burnt a lot of movies. My hotel has an audio system and I can sit and watch them by connecting my laptop to the audio system. That is called being resourceful and making yourself comfortable. Learn, especially when you’re alone and you do not have another colleague accompanying you.

I am not the traveling kind, do not like it too much. I’d rather be amongst the company of family and friends and have a good time. The thing that puts me down the MOST, is having nothing to do, and having no company. The first thing I do in such a situation is to make sure that I keep myself occupied somehow or the other. In this case, the movies should do the trick.

I am a pure vegetarian. So, I obviously have problems with non-vegetarian food. And when you are in Europe, it’s kind of difficult to find restaurants that serve the kind of vegetarian food you’ve been used to over the past few years. So, what do you do?

1) If you are the experimental types, you go around the city and find out what places you can visit and eat at.

Pro: You can “EXPERIMENT” and try new varieties of food.
Con: It would be very useful if you learnt how to read the menu card. (It’s not in English you see)

2) If you are the opposite of 1), then you take food from home, not too much – the baggage limit doesn’t let you take more than 20kgs for 1 piece of check-in luggage OR find an Indian restaurant, eat there.

Pro: You can eat the kind of food you like. Even the menu would be in English.
Cons: You get a lot of stares if you keep going to the same place everyday, even if you are from the same country and then you start thinking – “What the heck? I give them business! So I will go there anyway!” and you go like the proud fellow countryman you are.
You do not get to “EXPERIMENT”.

What do you do at work then?

You try and “FIT IN”.

How do you do that?

Er, I will tell you after 40 days. But the stuff that seems to be working OK as of now is to learn the local lingo. You know – even a greeting or a couple of sentences here and there would be a good start. They actually appreciate it, and if you learn the accent as well, ah – you score more points with the people.

Also, it becomes simpler, if you learn to be humourous, albeit in English – but it’s really ok, as long as you get the point across – they will laugh with you, even if they do not speak in the same language when you are sitting with them for lunch, they’ll continue to talk in their local lingo as if you never freaking existed. But there would be a couple of nice chaps here and there who would now and then try to translate what the conversation is all about.

But then again, you cannot blame them. They are used it so much that they may not intentionally do it.

Anyway, I found some football fans here – Oh yeah! You’re in Europe and if you happen to be an avid football follower, you make sure you talk about it. And now, I will start playing football from next week! J Another topic that both parties can identify with, music being the other of course.

Ok – time for me to pack and get going. Otherwise, I will miss my bus. Indian dinner, here I come.

Get off my property.

So what now? The Weekend?

2006-10-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

Weekend.

That's such a HUGE word, not in terms of it's ACTUAL size, but in terms of the magnanimity it assumes.

A "Weekend" is defined as:

1) Time to sleep as much as you want without having to bother about anyone waking you up, unless the neighbourhood dog decides to create a racket.

2) Time to do what you want after sleeping, go out, watch a movie, jam with your band, laze at home, spend time with your folks, play PS2 games ( not everyone can.. hehehe )

3) Time to catch up on things you couldn't do over the weekdays.

4) TIME.

Ah, pure bliss.

And I get a sms saying " This is my new number. Pls make a note of it and keep the phone ringing".

Sure. I mean, I will keep it ringing without knowing who you are. Dolt?

So when does it all start getting dull?

Sunday evening. Knowing that you've to GET UP early the following day, and get to college, work, wherever. And I do not have to elaborate about Mondays.

Oh, btw, I am blogging RIGHT NOW, as of this VERY MOMENT, because I want to make conversation ALONE and not with anyone else. So to everyone else, my brain is absolutely blank and refuses to make conversation.

What do I get for saying that?

Anon: You sound weird.

Me: Nah, I am writing a blog.

( Thought bubble : Er, I AM? Weird? )

Anon: AH, so you're busy!

Me: I "just" started.

( Thought bubble : What? I am confused now, I thought I was weird and now I am busy? )

Anon: Go, blog away to glory, die.

Ok, what do I do now? Sometimes, I cannot make sense of anything that happens around me.

What do you do, when you run out of ideas? When you would rather be left alone?

Is there a feeling of restlessness which creeps in, which makes you want to do some activity or the other? Do you just sleep? What? Comments are welcome. Options tried include:

1) Being a carrot. ( AKA vegetable )

2) Playing/listening to some music, watching movies, reading thought provoking books. READ - Entertainment.

3) Blogging.

4) Surfing.

5) Going out to the terrace, gazing into empty space.

6) Sleeping - this doesn't help much, atleast in my case.

7) Eating Cashew Burfies with Tomato Ketchup.

8) Refusing to get out of this "state" and contemplating about what to do next.

Etc.

Creative inputs will be well-appreciated, refrain from being "stupid".

Oh yeah, what is the general opinion on the Coffee Day/Barista phenomenon? There has been a specific term coined amongst my circle of friends, called the "Thumri". This "Thumri" is supposed to be a guy/gal who does everything in order to look different, or stick out like a sore thumb, just to make sure he/she fits in with the "cool" things in life.

Now the reason as to why I introduced this term here, is because:

1) Apparently, the feeling is, that people "hang out" at Coffee Day are more "Thumri"er than the people who "hang out" at Barista. This point is open to argument. The point being, that everyone does the same thing, so why do you need to do it too?

2) What do you think of the "Thumri" phenomenon? What according to you might be the definition of a "Thumri"?

Oh, back to the SMS. The chap decided to be smart! He responded with his first name. :)

What's the problem? Oh, there are a LOT of people who I know with that very SAME first name. It's very simple. To make this process much easier to the guy who's sending out his new number, or anyone who wants to send his/her new number out, can use this template:

"Hi, My name is "Full Name with initials". If you remember me, pls save my number. If you do not, ignore this message"

The only "doubtful" part of this message might come across if the "Full name with initials" field is known to the recipient as 2-3 different people with the same "Full name and initials".

Fun eh?

The probability is very less. So go ahead and use this template, it won't bite.

Cheerio.

The Kundali/Jataka and the Quarter Life Crisis

2006-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

The title says it all eh?

Actually, this thing had me thinking for quite sometime last night when I had just finished creating my blogspot/space/etc.

So here I go.

I've been wondering about this logic of matching Kundalis/Jatakas a.k.a Horoscopes for the "not so fluent with my own Indian tongue" audience. I had the pleasure ( er?! ) of going through this entire episode of horoscopes in the build up towards my brother's marriage some years ago.

It works very simply.

1) The prospective groom's horoscope is laid out, charting a lot of his future years.

2) The prospective bride's horoscope is laid out, charting a lot of her future years.

3) A score is accumulated citing the common points between the bride and the groom, i.e. if there are 32 points of contention, and if the matching thingy comes upto 10 points on 32, the score is 10/32. And it's stopped right there.

4) Why is it stopped? Because the score is not more than 50% ( correct me if I am wrong ).

5) If it's more than 50%, the parents meet, the prospective bride and the groom meet, and then we see time taking it's own toll.

Now, the bone of contention is this:

1) How many of us really CARE?

2) Does it matter to the current generation?

3) Does it matter to you that your folks might be intent on something like this before fixing you up for life?

(Oh, PS: This applies to traditional Hindu families only, the others can read it for their own joy.)

The answer: Well, I guess it's mostly tending towards a "I don't care" after having taken a census amongst individuals I know.

Now - this applies strongly in arranged marriage situations because your parents are the ones conducting all the processes. What would you do if you fell in love with someone? Would you satisfy your parents by charting the Jatakas/Kundalis/Horoscopes out before actually falling in love? Or adhere to the strict norms of religion and sect and sub sect and sub sub sects? :P

That might just never work out. The point being, at this phase in life, you are almost at the end of the first Quarter. You are looking to be career oriented, you are looking to see if you can have some "fun" AND there are a lot of us, who may not admit to it , but who are LOOKING to find a prospective (permanent) match on their own.

How does it start?

1) Peer Pressure. " Wow, my pal has a hot chick for a girlfriend man, what the heck am I gonna do? What if my folks fix me up with someone who I wouldn't really like at first glance?"

OR
"Wow, my pal has a hot chick for a girlfriend man, what the heck am I gonna do? I need someone to have fun with!!"

2) Relatives. This takes the cake.

Relative : Yenri? Chennagidira? Nim huduga yen maadthidane ivaaga?

( Allo Saaar! Ow are you? Ow's your baaay? )

Parent : Parvaagilla kanri, Engineering mugsi yeradu varsha aithu, kelsa maadthidaane, America-gu hogbittu bandaithu.

( Oh, he's alright Sir. Been a couple of years since he finished his Engineering and started work, has already gone to the US and come back )

Relative : Oho, parvaagilve.. Yaavaga maduve .. namma Kamalu ganda idaanalla? Avana chikkappan bhamaidana magalu vobbalu iddaale, nodbahudu.

( Oho, vary good saar! When it is the marryage? You know our Kamalu's husband-a? His small unkal's brother-in-law's daughter is there, we can all see )

Ah, the nosy relative who pokes his/her nose around to get people married. :)

JESUS CHRIST!!! Why are you even BOTHERED!!? And poor Kamalu doesn't even know.

So, there are 3 things:

1) Either stick to the norms, let your folks do the stuff for you.

2) Do not stick to the norms, let things happen as they will, keep looking and you will end up finding someone at the cost of incurring the wrath of your parents :D

3) Stick to the norms, (I am not advocating horoscopes, mind you) find someone yourself, and everyone is happy. And if this actually works out like a peach, it would be very surprising and the chaps involved would be very lucky. World Peace.

You decide.

Started... NOOOOOO!

2006-10-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

Yeah, like the title says, I've become a victim. I've become a blograja. After having fought in vain against the temptation of creating a blog account, I've become a blogger. I've shut up long enough.

Welcome me.

I do not know how this will shape up, but it should be fun. It's like writing a song, I cannot write any song until I find inspiration - www.quasarindia.com FYI.