Of what use is all this...

I don't understand the stuff happening right now.

I don't know why things have been hidden from me for such a long time, I would eventually come to know anyway.

To think that "this" would actually affect ANYTHING would be stupid. 

So what if something bad has happened? I am not dumb to let something like this come in between anything.

Why lie to me about everything? Why? 

What have I done to listen to these lies? Haven't I been truthful about every single thing? The least I deserved was the truth. The least. 

Tell me the truth. Don't be afraid. Nothing's gonna go wrong. Just tell me the damn truth.

From your mouth.

-V

I ask you..

What do you want me to do to prove myself?
Isn't being there whenever there's a need unconditionally, enough?
Isn't listening to every single thing and making one smile at the end which gives peace, enough?
Isn't saying it blatantly and obviously repeatedly enough?
Isn't blogging enough?
Isn't being concerned enough?
Isn't having sleepless nights enough?
Isn't being possessive enough?
Isn't asking for trust and belief enough?
Think of everything that has happened.. isn't that enough?

This has to be it..

No more 'in-between' talk.

"
There's a time and place for everything
for everyone,
we can push with all our might,
but nothing's gonna come.

Oh no, nothing's gonna change.
And if I ask you not to try, oh could you let it be?

I wanna hold you and say, we can't throw this all away,
tell me you won't go, you won't go, do you have to hear me say:

"I can't stop loving you,
And no matter what I say or do,
You know my heart is true,
I can't stop loving you"

You can change your friends, your place of life,
you can change your mind.
We can change the things we say and do anytime
But I think you'll find,
when you look inside your heart,
Baby, I'll be there..
Hold on, I'm holding on..
Just come on, come on, come on,
I just wanna hear you say:

"I can't stop loving you,
And no matter what you say or do,
You know my heart is true,
I can't stop loving you"

-V

Profound mental retardation..

What do you do when the one thing which can get you through the night isn't around?

You blog! :P

It's obvious to folks that there are certain things which I will take very easily, and there are certain things which are bound to multiply on my brain cells, and lead me into deeper spirals of damaging them.

Want my 2 cents of advice? Stay away from the stuff which makes my brain go "kaput". Kaput = boom, blast, basically a "brain overload".

Because if my brain does go "Kaput", it means the following:

1) I am very, very provoked.
2) I am at the heights of impatience.
3) I find myself losing faith, losing trust, losing belief.
4) I go into spirals thinking why everything is the way it is.

And then there's a ray of light again.. and everything disappears. Everything becomes nice.

Up and down, up and down, a nice sinusoidal wave. Nice and shapely.

-V

Awesome..

It really is.

I mean, have you ever heard of this line called "When it rains, it pours"?

It starts, it doesn't stop. It keeps happening. Over, and over and over again. How often have I used those words?

The problem here is this stream of thoughts, one after the other, which somehow seems to keep accumulating, without being jettisoned. The sub-conscious mind is at work SO MUCH, that it's leading to weird dreams, nightmares. Why.. last night I imagined shaving my drummer's beard and also giving him a cut in the chin for being rough. I was also involved in a gun fight with a gang of 6, who I eventually managed to shoot down with my phase pistol, right out of Star Trek. But the phase pistol ran out of battery when I was about to shoot the last guy down.

Funny eh? When it's down, it really is down everywhere. The law of averages is bound to catch up on me sometime or the other. I know that I will hit a purple patch of happiness soon enough. It's just this "pursuit" which is dragging me in circles, loops, you name it.

On a brighter note, I really wish I could stop having nightmares, dreams etc. It would really help my psyche if I had a peaceful night's rest. It would really help if everything was perfectly alright.
I don't want to be a cynic, I won't, I never will. I will promise myself today, that I will do what I think is right, that I will not hold back on anything, that I will continue to be true with respect to every single action I do and every single word I say. I am not afraid of my feelings, I am not afraid of anything. I am old enough to face any situation. If I really want something, I will go and get it.

I am gonna reopen the 'cool'. Soon enough.

-V