Some words for ..

Consistency in all aspects of life is the key to happiness, is the key to success!

Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

-V

Introspective Madness during the Sunset..

Ok.

So I am in a spiral loop of sub/semi-consciousness. The same pictures passing by me over and over and over again.

I wonder, most of the times, about why I care so much.

Why do I care so much about feelings?

Why do I care so much as to not hurt?

Why do I care so much about living and let living?

Why do I care?

I figured that I do, because there are only 2 states my mind can be in:

1) Really, and I mean REALLY care.

2) Don't care one bit.

I can't be in between. I kind of get caught in a weird space between "Right" and "Not Right" and I wouldn't know what exactly to do to get out of it - in order to lean towards one of the states mentioned above.

Does it matter that I really care? I honestly don't have an answer.  It matters to me, which is obvious, because I care, because I give a damn and it is a big deal for me. Situations and circumstances aren't helping me either.

I get so caught up in trying to be nice, I forget what I want in order for me to feel nice about myself. Sometimes, I do get a dose of "nice" .. The dose needs to be more continuous. I think the word I am looking for is "Everlong".

-V

Can't describe this..

I just can't seem to describe this weird state I am in right now.. It's a pot-pourri, a mixture of various moods/emotions.

I am happy for a minute, sad the next.

I believe in keeping up my word, once I have said it, it stays said and done.

It's amazing how much I actually stick to what I say all the time, I don't deviate. And even if I do, I have a justification. I wish everybody else also stuck to what they said. If they did tell you something and didn't stick to it, the least you can infer is that there's a lack of respect towards you.

Help me get through this day..

I will get through it.

-V

Loads of stuff..

This is a nice place to dump all my cryptic writings.

So I am gonna dump some more.

I wait, I am waiting. There are thoughts clutterred inside my head, but I keep it there for the most part.

I don't want anything/anyone to be influencing progress. If there's a decision to be made, it will be made solely by the people who are responsible to make it, without taking into account words said by other people.

Like I said, I like progress. I like it so much, that I don't want any roadblocks disrupting it. I want progress to flow smoothly. I want Time to be the God when it comes to progress. I don't want to stop anything, be it the way I feel towards, or the way I think everything's going. I want to let it be. The moment I start restricting myself, I will not be true to anyone.

I get perturbed, worried when things start going up and down.

I "like" constantly, I "like" specially, I "like" consistently. It's not that my "liking" diminishes over time or over a day. It's "consistent". If anything at all, it can go only higher. I don't like "liking" to lose weight one day, and gain weight the next. I want the "liking" to be special, to be unique, exclusive. I want this "like" to have a priority of it's own. A priority like no one else's. A priority which is unique.

And I cannot "like" without being "serious" about "liking". I am open to positive possibilities, I don't let the dark clouds shroud my very being or thoughts. I live for now. And I like what I survey.

I "like" things to be this way...

-V

It's not my time..

It's not my time
I'm not going

There's a fear in me
It's not showing

This could be the end of me
And everything I know

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see

But it's not my time
I'm not going

There's a will in me
Now I know it

This could be the end of me
And everything I know

I won't go..

-V

Back on track.

No, that's not a rip off of Back in Black.

I like what's been happening over the past week or two. I like the fact that there's direction, there's purpose, atleast from my side.

This "fiscal" year has started well, in terms of work, not talking about people, but just work.

In terms of life apart from work.. I do the following everyday:

1) I like.
2) I want.
3) I care.
4) I think about.
5) I miss.
6) I do a lot of other things.

No matter how much of the first 5 I do, I am guessing that it's very difficult to convince, that I actually DO those things. Not because of me, but because of a lack of belief from the other side.

Believe this. This is a blog, it's cryptic and all that, but yes, I do the first 5.

The 6th one is obviously somethings which I do. So we will not talk about that.

Let's say this. I am giving this my all, I am giving it my best shot. I want this to work. But no matter what I try and do from my end, there's something, something which makes me wonder, no matter what I do about it continuously, will there ever be any light at the end of the tunnel? Am I currently special? Am I currently set apart from everyone else? Am I currently standing out amongst all the others?

I think I just need that reassurance.. maybe because that is how I am. No decisions, just a reassurance...

-V